Age Appropriate

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. --1st Corinthians 13:11 (NIV)

From my position on the couch I heard the wail of a siren. A moment later I heard rushing footsteps, followed by a vaguely familiar little tune pouring out of the computer's speakers.

"What's that all about?" I asked my husband.

He grinned at me over the laptop's screen and triumphantly declared that he had successfully tracked and captured the elusive Carmen Sandiego.

When Brad and I were kids, we both enjoyed playing educational games, one of which was "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego." The other night Brad found a way to play that old game in all its monochromatic glory on his Mac laptop. In a matter of mere hours he was able to move up through the ranks of gumshoe, agent, detective and so forth, to the point where he finished the game. We commented to each other how much easier the game is now that we are adults and have a firm grasp of world history and geography. When we were kids, finishing the Carmen Sandiego games took (for me at least) an entire summer and involved constant assistance from the gazetteer and almanacs provided with the game's software.

Capturing Carmen Sandiego as a 25 year old doesn't merit the same sort of congratulatory response as it did when we were kids. Adults are expected to be able to complete the game unassisted. Even the thrill of the capture isn't as exhilarating as it was when we were 5th graders. We have matured in our abilities to handle a challenge. We have also broadened our expectations of what should challenge us.

The same can be said of our spiritual growth. When we were kids, all we needed to know about God was that "Jesus loves me...for the Bible tells me so." The biggest spiritual challenges we may have faced as children involved learning a memory verse for Sunday school. As adults we face far bigger things, as is appropriate. The more we grow in our relationship with God, the more we are expected to mature in him. New challenges--defending our faith, fostering a godly marriage, raising children in the fear and admonition of the Lord--these are the age appropriate things that mature Christians are called to undertake as God sees fit.

Although we may sometimes long for the simpler days of being a young Christian, we need to remember that there is greater joy to be found as we grow and mature in our faith. We who have been faithful with the smaller things as children, are now called to be faithful with much in adulthood.

Temple of the Holy Spirit

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; --1st Corinthians 16:9

The first question of the Heidelberg catechism asks "What is my only comfort in life and death?" The answer to which is "that I am not my own but belong to Jesus..." I have thought about how 1st Corinthians 16:9 applies to this statement, and I have discovered that there is much to be considered within this portion of the apostle Paul's letter to the Corinthians.

What does it mean to think of the body as a temple? What should a temple befitting the Holy Spirit, who is in us, look like? Does it need to be ornate? No. Does it need to be attention-grabbing? Again, no. Rather, it should be noticeably set apart for the purpose of worship; a place to commune with God in an attitude of humility and reverence.

What does this mean on a practical level? The first thing that comes to mind is what Jesus said was the greatest commandments, which is to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. Additionally, we are commanded to love our neighbors as ourselves. To put this into practice, we must ensure that our actions are praiseworthy and point to God as the influence behind everything we do.

In the context of Chapter 6 in its entirety, understanding that our body is a temple means that we should honor God with our bodies. As I already said, the temple is not only a place of worship, but a place to commune with God. Because I am married, how I treat and display my body as a temple of the Holy Spirit means something different than it would to someone who isn't married. For me, this means that I not only honor God with my body, but my husband as well, who is representative of Christ's headship in our marriage.

Treating our bodies as God's temple no only encompasses modesty and propriety, but it also includes how we behave, our attitudes, and the activities in which we choose to engage. It involves taking care of our bodies by living a healthful lifestyle. Self-abuse, alcoholism, drug addition, sexual perversion, even over-eating, are behaviors that are inconsistent with the mindset of a person who recognizes the body as the temple of the Holy Spirit. Because we are not our own, these behaviors cheapen and defame what God has done in us by forgiving our sins.

Each of us has been bought at a price--a great price! We are of immeasurable value, but this is not because of anything we have earned. Our value lies in who we are in Christ, and it is there that we find our greatest comfort in life and death.

Bodily Functions

Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. --1st Corinthians 12:27 (NIV)

Every workplace, every social circle, and every family has at least one of them. You may not have heard the term "stress puppy", but the definition will make you nod your head in understanding. A stress puppy, as defined by WordCentral. com, is a person who lives and thrives on stress yet constantly complains about it. The word first appeared about a decade ago and has continued to gain widespread usage, particularly in fast-placed corporate arenas.

But the church has stress puppies too. Generally speaking, they are the types who want to be recognized as some sort of "Super Christian". They volunteer for just about every committee, spreading themselves thinly across various activities, all the while complaining that the other people in the church don't do enough to help out.

The body of Christ, the church, is just that. A body. God does not desire that a body of believers be made up of over-achieving stress puppies. Each of us has been gifted in a different way. Some gifts and abilities to serve within the church are more visible than others, and that's okay. A living, thriving, God-honoring church is one that works together under Christ's headship in order to make God's Word known and understood to anyone in attendance.

My husband and I belong to a church that is in the midst of a huge remodeling effort. As a whole, our church (and by that I mean the members and believers of the congregation) has demonstrated beautifully what it means for the church to function as a body. Some people are the hands and feet, making sure that the chairs are set up each week. Others are internal organs, making sure that the wiring for the make-shift sound system and cooling equipment are hooked up properly. Still others are the heart and mind, ensuring that God's word is consistently being communicated to the people, even while such dramatic changes are taking place on the building's face.

If the church were made up of stress puppies, nothing would ever get done. Moreover, the church building would become little more than a weekly gathering place for people who already believe their time is at a premium. In order for a church body to function, we believers all need to take our places humbly as we fill the roles for which God has equipped us. In doing so, we take the focus off ourselves, and direct it toward the head of the church, which is Christ Jesus.

Face to Face

Now we see but a poor reflection, as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. --1st Corinthians 13:12

I'm still in a state of delighted shock after having met one of my favorite authors. I'm not talking about merely spotting him from across the room either--I sat face to face with him at a small table. Two other women and I sat there together, soaking up his creative knowledge and expertise. I had the opportunity to ask him questions about the writing process, in particular the development of his book, Oxygen, a science fiction novel that I read and re-read quite regularly.

What impacted me the most about my lunch meeting with Randall Ingermanson was not the thrill of being in the presence of someone possessing incredible writing prowess, but the realization that behind each paragraph of fiction I enjoy so much... is a regular person. Now that I have been given a personal glimpse of his character and personality, I will more than likely view his novels in a different light.

The same is true of how God's word impacts me. Although I will not get to see God face to face until I am with Him in heaven, I can still know Him personally. As I spend more time reading the Bible, talking with Him in prayer, and experiencing the joy of fellowship at church, I learn more about God's character. In particular, I learn about His love for me.

Behind every inspired paragraph of the Bible is God. Every aspect of His character is delineated in one place or another as He has revealed Himself to His creation. His faithfulness is recorded in the promises that He has made and kept to His people--the greatest fulfillment of which is in the appearance of Christ, the Messiah.

The Bible is not just a collection of stories. It offers us a way to see God's face in a limited way. When I think about how God's Word is a reflection, I am humbled that He allows me to see Him at all. The power of God, the fullness of His love, His sovereign, holy character will one day be unobscured by my limited worldview. Even the things I think I know about Him now will pale in comparison to the reality of standing face to face in His presence. To be known fully by the God of the universe and to know Him just as completely--that day will most certainly be indescribable.

It's Only a Building

Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's spirit lives in you? --1st Corinthians 3:16

This week we arrived at church to find that the construction project we had long anticipated was finally in full swing. Sturdy walls had been replaced by temporary ply-wood, the restrooms had been downgraded to port-a-potties, the worship team was wedged into a corner to make room for the congregation and the entire building was surrounded by a chain-link fence adorned with yards of construction tape. Needless to say, the building--or at least what's left of it--was not particularly beautiful that Sunday morning.

Perhaps it was because the barren wooden walls were so plain they weren't a distraction. Maybe it was because our congregation was crammed tightly together, but I was surprised to find that I actually had a much easier time focusing on worship that morning. Now that I think about it, I realize that it was probably the Holy Spirit reminding me that a building is just that--a building.

As I sat through the sermon, I reveled in the truth that God doesn't show up to a building every Sunday. He doesn't meet us at the front door of our church and sit with us for an hour and a half and then leave us on our own. God is not bounded by walls and He is not restricted by time. He lives in us and among us, and that is what makes me so in awe of Him. In the future I will remind myself that going to church doesn't mean showing up at a particular building around 9:30, but rather, it means convening with others in whom God's spirit dwells. Even once our church building has been completely renovated and is once again a thing of form and function, I will remember that it's still just a building.

I Can't Believe it's Not Godly!

If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. --1st Corinthians 13:2

The recipe called for margarine, or "spread" as my grandpa disdainfully calls it. Although my husband and I primarily use Canola Harvest margarine at home (sorry grandpa!) I couldn't bring myself to use butter substitute in the raspberry bars that I was making to distribute to my extended family this weekend at our annual cookie exchange. This morning I brought a few of my surplus treats to work, and someone commented that I must have used real butter because of how good they tasted.

As Christians we need to constantly remind ourselves that anything good we do is because of the work of the Holy Spirit in us. Our natural tendency (thanks to our first father, Adam) is to be self-serving. Even in the midst of what may appear to be a godly action, our motives may be horribly off-center. I have found that there are times when I very much enjoy being the center of attention. My ego all too often prevents me from acting in a manner that is consistent with being a humble servant of Christ.

I know that I am not alone in my misguided and sinful behavior. I'm sure we can all think of examples of people who serve in our churches in virtually every capacity imaginable--they help with Sunday school, Bible studies, prayer chain, choir, and even organize church events. All of these things are wonderful and truly necessary aspects of a thriving church; however, if they are done by someone who is looking to be cast in a self-glorifying light, they might as well have not been done at all. If the underlying goal is to call attention to oneself, then God is being robbed of His glory in each of those activities.

When we serve others selflessly, we are demonstrating a Christ-like attitude. No matter how many good things we may think we are doing, it's all just a low-impact, bland substitute for the real thing. Without love and humility, our seemingly godly behavior will be little more than a batch of cookies made without real butter. It might look good, it might be appealing to some, but to those who know what it is really supposed to taste like, there can be no substitutes for acting out of genuine, Christ-like love.

Obscured Reflections

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. --1st Corinthians 13:12

Many people are familiar with the concept contained in today's verse. Although I prefer using the NIV translation, many people are more familiar with the wording of the King James Version which uses the phrase "through a glass, darkly." It is an effective metaphor that can be used for describing our limited perception of God's plan and purpose.

When a phrase such as "through a glass, darkly" is used, I have a tendency to ignore it, as it is on the verge of becoming cliche. However, last night those four words made their way into the recesses of my brain and have been marinating in thought juices ever since. Last night at church, our pastor used this phrase as part of his discussion about God's omnipotence and his righteous judgment, particularly as it is described throughout the book of Revelations and also used as the text in Handel's "Hallelujah!" chorus. Pastor Hamilton described how our view of judgment and justice is very much influenced by our own experiences.

During a portion of the pastor's discussion, I had been, admittedly, not paying too much attention. The wall we face in church is almost entirely covered with windows, and I had been staring complacently at the reflection of our congregation. "Through a glass darkly"--those words got me thinking. I'm pretty sure it was the word "darkly" that hit me the hardest. From where my husband and I were seated in church, I could not see much of the world outside. The lights in the sanctuary were on, which when combined with the blanket of darkness lying just beyond the glass, dramatically obscured even my own reflection in the window pane.

This is what the world is like to those of us who see through the eyes of a Christian worldview. Even when our immediate surroundings are illuminated, the reflection of Christ in us is still badly out of focus. It won't be until we are actually in His presence that we will know and experience the full truth of His omnipotence. Because we live in a dark world, we sometimes have to strain our eyes to make out even the faintest light on a nearby hillside. There are times when it feels like there is nothing out there that is luminescent, let alone bright enough to guide us.

The day will come when we will know fully who and what God is. We will know the fullness and richness of His love and mercy. We will rejoice with the angels as His judgment is carried out once and for all. Our present experiences and expectations of God's eternity and the ways we share in that is but an obscured reflection. How wonderful and exciting it is to know that all that will change in the twinkling of an eye, and He shall reign for ever and ever. Hallelujah!

How Do they See Us?

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.—1st Corinthians 1:18

I often wonder how Christians appear to the rest of the world. Depending on the region of the county, the word “Christian” is synonymous with certain political loyalties. In other parts of the world, Christians are unwelcome because they are heretical with regard to the prevailing religious regime of the area. How do we respond to the varying perceptions of Christianity? Perhaps the most common misperception of us is that we are religious nuts—blindly believing in nothing more than a cosmic fairy tale.

It has been my experience that people who don’t know much (if anything) about Christianity think that its beliefs and practices classify it somewhere between superstition and religion. Superstition is “a belief in something not justified by reason or evidence,” or “an irrational belief arising from ignorance or fear.” Using those definitions, I can certainly see why Christianity may appear superstitious.

The virgin birth of Christ, which I and many others believe as true, is something we take on faith. Aside from what the Bible says, we are unable to offer hard and fast evidence or proof that this was the reality of the situation. Furthermore, it is simply not very reasonable to believe that a baby can be born without the usual physio-biological factors required for such an event. However, we do not believe this out of ignorance or fear. We believe it because it is one of the basic tenants of the Christian religion. Religion is “a set of attitudes, beliefs and practices pertaining to supernatural power.” With the belief in the supernatural involvement in Christ’s conception, we embrace the idea of a virgin birth not out of superstition, but out of faith.

The world may not understand us. Moreover, it will likely hate us because the root of our beliefs is in direct contrast with man’s basic nature. We Christians know that we are not our own. We understand what it means to lose our lives for Christ in order that we may find it. We understand the necessity of denying ourselves so that we can serve God in humility.

Christianity is not a superstition. Nor is it a religion. It is a relationship with the Divine Creator, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. As long as we are living and breathing here on earth, we are in a category of our own—a category the world doesn’t understand or tolerate. To many, we are fools, chasing after a God we cannot see. However, we know that He is seen and will be seen. One day, every knee shall bow and every tongue confess that Christ is Lord. On that day, the world will see what we already see, and they will know the truth to which we already are testifying.

Illegal, Immoral or Fattening

But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat. What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside? God will judge those outside. Expel the wicked man from among you. --1st Corinthians 5:11-13

Dr. Laura Schlessinger advises some of her callers that unless someone is participating in something "illegal, immoral or fattening", it's best to just mind one's own business and keep a lip zipped. Recognizing that which is illegal or fattening should be a slam dunk for most people. Defining immoral actions seems to be increasingly problematic for the population at large; even more elusive is the ability of some to take action against such activities. Even Christians are hesitant to speak up and do what it takes to traverse the moral high ground.

Fearful of being labeled as an insensitive or self-righteous hypocrite, some Christians will do everything possible to avoid confronting evil. This is especially true when it involves individuals in our own circles. We are tempted to think that we shouldn't judge those who are in the church because they are "our own." We misalign our loyalties, preferring to be "tolerant" of immoral behavior in order to preserve our worldly relationships at the cost of devaluing God's laws and His absolute sovereignty.

Sadly, immoral behavior occurs far too often within the church. This has been happening throughout history and will most likely continue. Because the church is comprised of sinners, there will always be some people who would rather continue to be enslaved by their old nature instead of taking on a new self that comes from a growing relationship with Christ. This type of behavior can be either blatant or subtle in appearance.

Although salvation is a one-time acceptance of the gift of grace and comes through faith and not works, our actions are outward displays of the Holy Spirit's work in us. Just as a tree's fruit gives a measure of the overall health of the tree, the fruit of our actions serves as a barometer of our spiritual health. God demands that a tree bearing bad fruit or no fruit at all be cut off. Even if a tree has been subject to all the right conditions to grow and bear good tasting good, there is no guarantee that the fruit will appear in due season. A discerning farmer knows that it is a waste of time, effort and resources to continue to water such a tree, and he won't just stop there. He will cut it down and plant a new tree in its place in order to make good use of the soil.

Similarly, some people refuse to grow in spiritual maturity. They may attend church all their lives and act in a way that they believe is "moral." However, when compared to the standard set by God's Word, these people fall far short.

Each of us has a responsibility to judge justly (an appropriately) those within the walls of our churches who call themselves our Christian brothers. If a tree is bearing bad fruit, we are obligated to take the actions required to get rid of that tree before it has an opportunity to weaken or otherwise threaten the health and stability of those around it. The longer we refuse to confront immorality, greed, idolatry and slander in the church, the easier it becomes for such behavior to be deemed acceptable.

Outward Focus

No one should seek his own good, but the good of others. --1st Corinthians 10:24

This principle is more than meets the eye. At the surface it is a moral statement along the same lines as that which Jesus defines as the second greatest commandment: "love your neighbor as yourself." Outside the realm of "good Christian behavior", seeking the good of others can take the form of economic of political policy. I think that although many of us would hope and expect this type of behavior from others and from our world leaders, the population at large rarely adheres this principle and often fails to effectively demonstrate it.

When Paul wrote his letter to the Corinthians, he was addressing a church that was in the midst of a self-centered culture. The Corinthians were largely caught up in personal pleasures, sometimes mistakenly believing that a relationship with God had more to do with what they got out of it rather than what they put into it. As a result, the church was not adequately meeting the needs of the community because it was too caught up in itself.

This same type of thing happens in churches today. The "me" generation has convinced us that we need to look out for ourselves first. After that, any leftover resources or energy can be applied to meeting the needs of others. This should not be so.

Looking to the good of others means more than just providing for them in times of need. It means addressing their spiritual needs as well. This can happen on scales of all sizes. For example, it is just as important for the church at large to offer humanitarian assistance to the victims of hurricane Katrina as it is for one individual to invite a friend to church. Although the two situations are vastly different, bother represent actions that will help others.

Seeking our own good is an attitude that needs changing. If we remain in our self-centered way of thinking, we remain unteachable. In all things we must focus outward and try to see the bigger picture from God's perspective and act accordingly.

The World As We Know It

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. --1st Corinthians 13:12

William James, philosopher and psychologist once stated that humans only use 10% of our brains. Although this is not a particularly valid scientific statement, on a philosophical level it serves to remind us that we are limited creatures. This does not imply that we are unintelligent beings. Rather, it seems to indicate that even the most intelligent among us cannot fully comprehend the truths contained in this world. I believe that our understanding of God's influence in the world is only a hair's breadth in comparison to the mystery of God's sovereign will as it is carried out in this world and the next.

God reveals himself to us on a daily basis in ways that are profound in their simplicity. I am most often reminded of this when my husband tells me he loves me. Love is a gift from God, and the love between husband and wife is used throughout the Bible as a metaphor for Christ's love for the church. I am awe-struck when I think that even a marriage as wonderful as ours is a mere glimpse of the depth of intimacy we will someday share with God in His presence.

The world as we know it offers a very limited view of that which is to come. Our best experiences, our richest blessings, our deepest relationships--all that is beautiful about these things--will be greatly magnified when we are finally able to see things from God's vantage point. From where we are standing now, we cannot even begin to comprehend the magnitude of such a thing. Eternity is a difficult concept for us to grasp since we live in a finite world.

As Christians, our faith enables us to believe in God, His heavenly kingdom and His purpose for our lives here on earth, even though we are unable to understand these things. Because of our limited perception, the mystery of God's sovereignty, eternal glory and infinite wisdom are all the more profound.

Changes Ahead!

I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.--1st Corinthians 9:22b-23

Dear friends,

Exciting things are happening around here lately! The Verse of the Day website (educatedguesser.blogspot.com) has been receiving record numbers of visits. Some of the most interesting trends I have noticed is that the number of unique visitors to the site is increasing, as is the length of time visitors spend reading the posts. This can only mean that more people are being exposed to God's Word.

In an effort to more effectively reflect God's truth to the world at large, I have decided to give this website a facelift. Over the next several weeks you will see this website undergo a series of changes. Although you might not find a new post each day, please browse the site's archives and make use of the comments function to let me know which topics are most meaningful to you, which ones resonated with you, or even which ones you didn't understand or like. (Please be kind about typos though! Spell-checker on this thing has been quite temperamental.) Feedback from regular readers will be very useful in helping me make the new site even better.

I anticipate a new layout, more meaningful and useful links, and possibly a searchable index. The first and most notable change will be the site's name. You will still be able to use 'educatedguesser.blogspot.com' as the URL, but from this point forward, Verse of the Day will be known as "Pools of Grace". I have chosen this name based on the following section of a poem my husband once wrote:

Lord, in time of need I look to you.
Lord, in time of need, I seek your face.
Lord, in time of need, I worship you,
and you bathe me in the pool of your grace.

I believe that not a day exists in which we do not need to look to God for strength, wisdom, encouragement or comfort. Because He is a deeply personal God, He is there to meet our needs in every situation we face in life. God's involvement in our day to day lives is not a passive one. He continually bathes us in pools of His grace, for it is by grace that we are saved (Ephesians 1:3-10, Ephesians 2: 7-9).

Thank you in advance for your patience during this period of transition. I look forward to sharing "Pools of Grace" with you. Please pray that God will use this website in accordance with His will so that more hearts can be turned toward Him. Pray also that the Holy Spirit uses my written words to encourage and strengthen the body of believers.

In Christ,
Lauren

Uphill Battles

He will keep you strong to the end so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord, Jesus Christ. --1st Corinthians 1:8

I first memorized this verse during "quiet time" on a church-sponsored houseboat trip. Whenever I read it, I automatically think back to that trip and other "mountaintop experiences" that I had on other church camp-like outings. Most Christians would agree that they have, at some point in life, had an opportunity to feel exceptionally close to God during such times. I thought about how in my own life I have undergone brief periods of hyper-spirituality that were induced my those moutaintop experiences.

Many of us wish we could spend more time on the mountaintops, standing still, taking in the panoramic view that God has shown us. However, most of our lives are spent climbing the hill. We grunt and sweat, fighting to find secure footing as we stumble uphill. Even if we have exchanged our heavy burdens for Christ's light and easy one, we must daily fight an uphill battle. This is simply the reality of being a Christian.

Christ commands us to follow him. He says that we are to take up our cross and follow him. Following him means struggling against the things of this world that try to tell us that we are fools for our faith. As we follow Jesus up Calvary's hill, we battle unseen forces that attempt to convince us that being a Christian should be as hard as it is.

Depending on your situation, living a Christ-like life may quite possibly be the most difficult thing you will ever do. For me, being a Christians was most challenging while I was a college student. I was bombarded with ideas that could have easily unraveled my entire belief system and unseated my faith if I hadn't trusted God to keep me strong. I needed to rely on his strength and not my own in order to fight to hold onto what I believed to be true. Most of my uphill battles were on the moral front. It was difficult for me to honor God with my words and actions when so many people around me were clearly not interested in honoring anyone but themselves. Even among people who professed to be Christians, there were times when I felt that I was being dragged back down the hill rather than being offered the encouragement I needed to reach the top.

Those experiences taught me that most uphill battles are taking place in our thought lives. The world teaches us to think a certain way--a way that is self-motivated, self-centered, and self-seeking. It is possible to spend so much time as my husband says, "contemplating our navels" that we forget to lift up our heads to focus on the goal and the One who will get us there.

God enables us to scale the heights. One step at a time, he gives us the tools we need to proceed uphill, no matter how slowly, so that we can one day stand with him at the top. In our uphill battles, God is always present. He doesn't just point to a mountaintop and expect us to climb it alone. When we accept him as our personal Lord and Savior, he gives us spiritual strength. Like this verse says, not only does he give us strength, he keeps us strong. He doesn't give us strength in spurts for the battles, and just because the battles are uphill, they need not be futile ones. God keeps us strong so that we may reach the end of our climb and stand blameless on the day of our Lord, Jesus Christ.

To Date or Not to Date; That is the Question

I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs--how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world--how he can please his wife-- and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world--how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.--1st Corinthians 7:32-35


The Bible has a lot to say about marriage, but since dating as we know it did not exist for first century Christians, it can be difficult to determine how to apply godly principles to situations-- like dating-- that are unique to our current place in history. Nonetheless, it is a topic that bears much discussion, particularly on high school and college campuses and at church youth groups throughout the country. I certainly don't have the answers, but I do have some ideas.

A popular idea in young Christian culture seems to be the "God is my significant other" attitude. Young men and women alike are shifting their attitudes about dating. Many try to convince themselves that as long as they have a deep enough relationship with God, they don't need the type of relationship that can be found in dating. The funny thing is, these people who are so put-off by dating are usually the ones who have a very extensive collection of books on the subject.

Books like When God Writes Your Love Story and When Dreams Come True by Eric and Leslie Ludy present a very picturesque fairytale image of dating. A large number of young Christians are convinced that an outlandish miracle in dating is out there for them too, and that if they simply read enough of these books, they will be magically endowed with supernatural dating abilities. Armed with Joshua Harris' book I Kissed Dating Goodbye, they believe that they will somehow be able to spot the One from across any room.

To be fair, I have read the majority of those books. I happen to be of the mind that they provide a very limited viewpoint, and represent only a tiny fraction of the real experiences that are occurring in the dating world. Many individuals who want to get to know someone by dating them are frustrated that these books have turned many a young adult into a non-dater. As my cousin said of the notably small dating pool in his college's Bible study group, "Joshua Harris' book has ruined a whole generation of perfectly dateable women!"

I agree that dating subjects a lot of individuals to being hurt, especially when the hormones take over. I also fully acknowledge that some people are called to remain single. The reality is, the majority of people are not so called. I would venture a guess that a large number of you who are in the critical decade are either actively involved in a dating relationship, or at least spend a lot of time thinking about it!

God created us with a desire to blend our lives with a member of the opposite sex. He created us so that our personalities are very well complemented. I believe that dating provides an opportunity to figure out the kind of person with whom we would be happy for the rest of our life. As my husband puts it, dating allows you to find the person with whom you can serve God much more effectively than if you were on your own.

Dating should be approached with an attitude of maturity; emotionally, spiritually and socially. I also think that it is perfectly acceptable to approach it with an attitude of joy and a spirit of adventure. Dating and courtship are an important part of social development. For me, dating wasn't always flawless, but it wasn't full of tumultuous heartache either. The times I left God out of my dating decisions, things didn't go very well. Conversely, the times I trusted him with the details, he blessed me incredibly!

For those of you who do date, or will soon be dating, I encourage you to involve other people in the experience. Get advice from people you trust, and make sure you have an accountability system in place. Read up on what trusted Christians have to say about being in relationships. I highly recommend the following:

Life On the Edge by Dr. James Dobson
I Gave Dating a Change by Jeramy and Jerusha Clark
I Married You by Walter Trobisch

and for the younger crowd (high school age or thereabouts):

Getting Ready for the Guy/Girl Thing by Greg Johnson and Susie Shellenberger


Remember that above all, only a relationship with God will be make you a whole person. A dating relationship is no substitute for the spiritual relationship that can fill the deepest longings of your heart. In everything you do, whether you date or don't date, be sure to seek to honor God with your thoughts and actions. In all you do, whether in word or deed, do all to the glory of God.

Negative Influences

Do not be mislead: "bad company corrupts good character."--1st Corinthians 15:33

I'll admit it; I tested my limits in college. For the most part I behaved myself and managed not to become entrenched in any self-destructive behaviors. However, I think it is reasonable for me to assume that I am at least partially to blame for a strand or two of the gray hairs my parents are starting to exhibit.

College was very unlike my sheltered, tiny, private high school. My first quarter biology class alone had nearly as many students as my entire high school. College introduced me to a variety of different people and personalities, some of whom proved to be very good friends and other who were negative influences. I was somewhat naive in thinking that I was a strong enough Christian and that I could not be influenced by people whose lifestyles were contrary to my own. I had convinced myself that I was going to accomplish some grand missionary feat on my campus.

Yeah, right.

I learned that the kind of people a person spends time with can and will have an influence on that person. I learned that if spending time with certain people involved lying to my parents about my activities and whereabouts, then those friends needed to be dropped, and quickly. Allow me to elaborate...

I had decided to go to a concert with a group of friends without my parents' knowledge. I wish I could say that the concert was a blast and that the risk of getting caught was nothing in comparison to the fun I had that night. The truth is, I spent most of the night trying desperately not to be crushed in a mosh pit. To make matters worse, I was constantly distracted by my conscience because I had deceived my parents. The next day I was keenly aware of my bad decision when I woke up with my head still ringing from the noise and my mom demanding to know why my jacket smelled distinctly of cigarette smoke. (Side note: I don't smoke, never have and never will. I have enough health problems without worrying about getting lung cancer.)

As tame as that experience may sound to some, for me it was a wakeup call. I carefully re-evaluated my friendships and worked hard at spending time with people my parents approved of, or at least had met once. I decided that I needed to work on developing friendships with people who could help me make progress in my walk with God instead of tripping me up.

Ever since that realization, I had tried to make good decisions in the friend department. I am very thankful for all the great Christian friends who are now a regular part of my life. I still have a few acquaintances who do not know the Lord, and I'm careful with how much time I spend with them and what activities we do. I believe that it is important to have a circle of friends that include Christians and non-Christians, but we need to be careful about who is influencing whom.